Typhoon Haiayn Relief Effort: Stay or Go

As we rode along the bumpy rode back to the port city I evaluated our last four days, our current status, and what we were going to do with the rest of our time in the Philippines. We were all exhausted, hungry, dehydrated, and mentally drained. The work on the island had taken it's toll. I remember Mum Beth (the EMT group leader) explaining that despite our desires to stay longer and assist, our minds and bodies could not keep operating under these types of conditions for more than three days, otherwise we would risk illness or injury. My desire to stay was burning, especially as we began our departure from Tolosa. I wanted to stay more than anything -- to become immune to the needs of my body. To entirely neglect the urges for food, water, and sleep in order to further rescue and serve the countless people who still were in need. This is why I came here. Despite my good intentions I also recognized my mortality. I knew that I could likely continue on for another day or more, maybe even to last a week, I possessed the mental fortitude. I knew with God I could coerce my body into the labor that needed to be done. As I felt that fire burn I glanced over at Olsen, who, though now sleeping, I knew felt the same way. I then looked at Chantel and my tense facial expression softened. I was worried about her. She had miraculously recovered from her fever, but her utter fatigue was apparent. Surely she too possessed the mental fortitude to endure but my intuition advised me against it.

We got off the bus and grabbed our gear. We slowly lumbered through the streets towards the port hoping for a place to buy a solid meal. We stopped by a small hardware-esque store where a friend of one of the EMTS was willing to hold our belongings while we waited for the boat to come. We laid down our heavy packs and moved back into the streets. The first place we saw was selling a dish that was made of chocolate sticky rice. It was one of the most delicious dishes I'd ever eaten, probably because I hadn't had something like it for quite some time. Chantel looked vexed at the idea of eating any more rice - chocolate or not. We moved onto a canteen where we ordered a feast of chicken, vegetables, and hotdogs. Olsen must have eaten a dozen red weenies. Despite filling up quickly because of my shrunken stomach my body just wanted to keep eating after neglecting it's urges for sustenance for four days. We left the diner and boarded the boat that would take us back to Cebu. Chantel expressed the same thoughts in my mind, "I can't believe we are leaving... I want to stay."

I thought about the Salvation Army and Michael's offer in Tanauan. He told us he was receiving thousands of packages of relief goods and needed help distributing them. He said we'd have a truck and the ability to further help the areas we had already scouted. We'd have a place to stay, food, and most importantly a flight back to Manila. At the time we had set it aside because we wanted to stick with ZEDRU, but with their departure home leaving us with no further action the offer began to ring in my mind. Olsen had even considered leaving Chantel and I to go directly from Tolosa to Tacloban to meet up with Michael. We later concluded that it would be best to accompany ZEDRU out of Tacloban and to return to Cebu where we could at the very least check the donation fund and purchase more relief goods and medicine to provide upon our return. It had been four days since I had any contact with home and I wanted to let my family know that we were healthy and relatively well.

The other point was we had other opportunities and options to help in Cebu. There were other projects that could be organized there, and with well over a week left before our flight home the opportunity to pass through my old mission and visit my friends existed. I asked myself if that would be selfish. My purpose in coming to the Philippines and raising what money we had was to provide relief to the victims of Typhoon Haiyan. I pondered on the principle of what actions would be God's. Deep down my desire was to sacrifice. I wanted to sacrifice everything... my finances, my strength, my body, my opportunity to see those I loved in my mission. I was willing. So I came to the decision in my mind that that was what I was willing to do and that willingness was accepted by my mind and soul. I knew that God knew that I was willing to make that "All-in" sacrifice. Once that confirmation was placed, other conditions and variables surfaced. ZEDRU was leaving, that urgency with which we were commissioned to meet had been met, and Chantel needed time to recover (we all did, but my desire to protect her grounded me where I otherwise would have been impotently willing to go past my physical limitations), will and what would best fulfill our mission. Chantel's resilience and strength to acclimate was remarkable. If the travel of 9,000 miles, the complete adjustment of diet (from vegan to omnivore), and culture shock wasn't enough -- she had been exposed to some of the most graphic and hopeless circumstances this world has to show. Starving families, leveled cities and wasteland, infected wounds, mal-nutrition, and corpses lying in pathways and backyards. We all were justified in requiring rest and recovery, however Chantel's ability to adjust and handle these things is certainly worthy of mention.

Her words of wanting to stay provoked something I couldn't adequately express and share with her at the time. The work in Leyte had been meaningful, impactful, and we had all lost ourselves in the work. The rest of the world didn't exist, our pasts, our stresses, our problems... There only existed the goal to serve, to save, to assist. We wanted to do more, to stay, to continue escaping the "reality" we had left behind. No! This was reality. This was the realest experience we had ever been through. Our social norms, our cultural influence, our insecurities, our problems were nothing, they seemed superfluous. This was purposeful meaningful work that was as real as it could get but our bodies needed recovery. We were forced to leave the most visceral reality we had known.

All of these things weighed on my mind as I stood on the balcony watching children collect donations for the relief effort back on shore. They had asked us for money to donate to the cause and we all chuckled to ourselves at the slight irony. I had spoken with Olsen and Chantel earlier about the plan we had decided on. We were going to return to Cebu, recover for a day to stress debrief, after which, if Michael could guarantee transportation to and from Tacloban to Manila that we would re-supply, purchase more goods, then return to Tacloban for another three days. If there were no guarantees, then we would assist in Cebu. I felt good about our plan as I reflected on it. I retired to a bunk next to the others. Mum Beth was reading something on her tablet, Chantel had fallen asleep on her CPA study notes, Olsen was also passed out, and the others were talking quietly to one another.

The boat picked up speed and I felt a soft breeze blow through the open deck. I felt peace. I felt it was time to rest. My mind was cleared and I went to sleep.